OooohhhHHOHOHOHO man Rachel Zoe is back, scooting around with her bent arms and hunch back.

She’s in New York for MERCEDES BENZ FAAAHSUN WEK! Except Rachel won’t be showing her collection on a runway, she’ll “never do that” (until the end of the episode). SO she’s showcasing her designs at Lincoln Center to a more “casual” crowd. I hope that means people will be showing up in flip-flops and trash bags; Rachel. Would. Die. Dead. Deaddles.

She tells her husband Roger to basically stfu and speak when spoken to upon arriving at her design studio. He agrees to comply as long as she isn’t “dumb”. Roger- you can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up first (I personally can fill two hands with shit before one single ounce of wish is fulfilled).

Once they’re at the studio Rachel begins to work VERY HARD! For 3 minutes, until her son shows up. Nowwww why didn’t they just bring him with them in the first place? They have to have RUSTY, (yeah- RUSTY) the Nanny, bring the child separately and then parade him around the studio doing a plethora of tricks like stamping his feet on the ground like a penguin (penguins don’t even stamp, ugh), blowing kisses (he doesn’t even use his hand, wtf!) and saying “I love you” to whomever Rachel points to.  Over this child already (but he DOES rock a mean hat).

Rachel makes it a point to say she was up with her child throughout the night; he didn’t get a good rest! RUSTY was off camera rolling her eyes and wearing K-Mart.

The ONE thing I will give Rachel is that she’s correct- Page 6 doesn’t fact check (all the time). I know this because! BECAUSE IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT BUSINESS I AM IN!

Rachel and her manbag- I mean Roger, start the Fashion Week rounds and attend several shows. Anyone else LOVE IT when she bypasses Fagtron, saying hello to the gay in front of him while completely shunning Brad? It was probably my favorite part of the episode. Why? Because Brad is looking down at his phone pretending to be using it. He aint usin’ SHIT! Look at his phone, it was on the “search” screen. He was just pressin’ in the middle DOING NOTHING! Oh Bradly… It’s still Rachel’s world.

“When I go to someone else’s fashion show I literally take my designer hat off and put on my stylist hat and I’m a fashion editor and a stylist that’s it.” -Rachel Zoe.

I need more hats.

Rachel’s VP has an ulcer which is TOTALLY not caused by Rachel at all! Rachel is the “mama bear” and is trying to monitor everything she eats for her. Ya know, because nothing helps an ulcer better than having the cause of your ulcer micromanage not only your job but also your life. GET OUT OF THERE!

WHO is that sexy “Itster” that just gives dark looks and wears leather jackets every minute? Get inside me.

YOU GUYS! They are SUPER EXCITED to see Oscar.

After spending 8 hours looking in the mirror Rachel asks Roger if he’s just telling her she’s pretty or is he being real, because she hasn’t and doesn’t have time to look in the mirror. I know that feeling girl.

IT’S FASHION SHOW TIME! Rachel is off at Michael Kors while everyone else is working on her show. You gotta love Rachel LOL. What a bitch. Love her. Another highlight is when Michael see’s Rachel and her bangs and says, “What is this? California?” Glob damn it Michael, you’re everything right now. 

Rachel arrives to her own show in time to edit edit edit. She complains that everyone want’s a piece of her every second. Welllll maybe if you didn’t arrive 45 minutes before your own show you’d have more time do more things and not feel so rushed. They make a ton of changes to each look trying to mix and match things to look better and chicer and more gorgeous and fabulous and omfg showtime, “Models are about to walk- omg”. 

The show, to me, was amazing. She and or her team, or only her team really know what looks good on a woman, what’s classic and what isn’t over the fucking top. I don’t pretend to be an expert on fashion (I DID intern at teenVOGUE for almost 2 years) but I like to think I know what looks pleasing or not.

The season promises to be filled with drama, fun and adjectives! I’ve complied a list of some used in this episode- cool, major, crazy, downtown, 70’s Safari, out of control, disgusting, perfect, heaven, seriously heaven, beautiful, couture, modern, flouncy, incredible, maj, gorgeous, very ensemble and the words of the season will be EVERYTHING.